Tuesday, April 3, 2007

DarkSourcing - An Interview with Halliburton's CEO

The Darkside of Outsourcing

The Cantankerous Consultant is pleased to interview David Lesar, CEO of Halliburton. According to Bloomsberg News: “Halliburton Co., the largest contractor for the Iraq war effort and the company formerly led by Vice President Dick Cheney, paid Chief Executive Officer David Lesar $15.2 million last year…Lesar's salary rose 3.2 percent, to $1.3 million from $1.26 million in 2005, the company said in a filing with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission. The CEO also received $3.74 million in stock awards, $2.62 million in stock options and $6.64 million in non-stock incentives.”

Cantankerous Consultant: Reading about your compensation package makes me wish Halliburton had been one of my clients. Just one gig with you guys and I’d be filthy rich.

David Lesar: Interesting phrase, “filthy rich.” From our viewpoint at Halliburton, it’s considered an oxymoron. What we do isn’t filthy when you consider that the Pentagon has paid us nearly $78 million for Janitorial and Housecleaning services..

Cantankerous Consultant: So, you’re really cleaning up by cleaning up? Wouldn't that make the phrase ironic rather than oxymoronic?

David Lesar: Yes. I stand corrected.

Cantankerous Consultant: I understand Halliburton is moving its headquarters to Dubai? What’s behind that?

David Lesar: I know there’s a lot of controversy about that and a lot of unfair accusations have been leveled against us. But honestly, the answer is very simple and straightforward. As you know, George W. Bush’s nickname is “Dubya” which sounds a little bit like Dubai. So moving there is just our way of keeping the President’s name foremost in our hearts and minds.

Cantankerous Consultant: So, what was it like to follow in the footsteps of Dick Cheney?

David Lesar: A total privilege. You know I wrote a song in his honor called, My Sith Lord. Actually I borrowed the tune from George Harrison’s My Sweet Lord and made up my own lyrics. Would like to hear it?

Cantankerous Consultant: Err…perhaps another time. I think the readers of my blog want to know what you learned from Sith…err, Mr. Cheney.

David Lesar: The secrets of DarkSourcing!

Cantankerous Consultant: DarkSourcing?

David Lesar: Oh yes, it’s Lord Cheney legacy to Halliburton. When he first became CEO he saw the promise of outsourcing.

Cantankerous Consultant: That’s where the Pentagon pays Halliburton and KBR a bundle to do what they could for less money in the first place.

David Lesar: Yes. But we improve the process by adding the profit margin without which democracy itself could not exist.

Cantankerous Consultant: Okay. Now back to Cheney.

David Lesar: When Lord Cheney came he brought his knowledge of the Dark Side. And let me say, when it comes to change management, you can’t beat a Sith Lord.

Cantankerous Consultant: I bet!

David Lesar: Anyway, Lord Cheney combined his mastery of the Darkside with the promise of outsourcing to unleash a bold and terrifying new power, DarkSourcing!

Cantankerous Consultant: Awesome! Can you tell us more?

David Lesar: I could, but then I'd have to kill you.

Cantankerous Consultant: Well, thank you for your time.

David Lesar: You’re certainly welcome.

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