Friday, May 18, 2007

E.A. Hanks first recipient of the B.S. Cutter Award of Merit



The Cantankerous Consultant has teamed up with the folks at B.S Cutter Whiskey to present a new award: The B.S. Cutter Award of Merit. It goes to the worthy individual whose commentary cut through the bullshit and bring those blue-skying, buzzwordly, hype-mongering, grossly guruish consultants back to reality!

Our first recipient is the inimitable E. A. Hanks whose impudent ways enliven
Huffingtonpost.com. Kudos for her commentary entitled, Innovation Is Nothing: A Look Inside Clinton Guru John Kao's Douchey "Manifesto." When I saw the adjective "douchey" used to describe "Manifesto" my cantankerous little heart went pitter patter. Sigh!

Ms. Hanks' subject is John
Kao, who was hired by the Clinton campaign as an advisor and was paid $70,000 to offer tidbits of wisdom such as, "Ideation instigates innovation." Ms Hanks, in a response that should win her a Nobel Prize for blogging, notes, "Apparently, alliterative assholes assume adults appreciate this kind of adolescent absurdity."

And so it is with great pride and pleasure that we present the first-ever
B.S. Cutter Award of Merit to Ms. Hanks. Well done!

The Cantankerous Consultant would also like to add his two cents about Mr.
Kao. As part of his “transformation manifesto,” Mr. Kao suggests hiring a “chief destruction officer” instead of a “chief innovation officer.” Ugh! Time to renew my membership in the Barf Bag of the Month Club. So let me get this straight, that mean Harvard will now offer a MD (Master of Destruction) in addition to its MBA degree? If so, here is a hint to anyone applying to get into the program. On your essay, try using the following quote which is a favorite of destructor wannabes, “Harm is the norm. Doom should not jam.” It is eloquent without a lick of alliteration. (FYI: It's from Vladimir Nabokov's Pnin).


Note: The
B.S. Cutter brand of whiskey is a no nonsense victual inspired by the adventures of the venerable ship, B.S. Cutter. According to legend, it was the irascible Captain Farley Craized who was the first person to utter the immortal phrase, “Damn the buzzwords, full speed ahead!” The folks at B.S. Cutter also sponsor the Public Service Announcements who slogan is, "Sail safely. Throw the damned consultant overboard!"

Friday, May 4, 2007

Thursday, May 3, 2007

GET THE BONUS YOU DON'T DESERVE!

A NEW WORKSHOP EXCLUSIVELY FOR FEDERAL EMPLOYEES

HOW TO GET A BONUS
Even if you don't deserve it!

IT'S TRUE...FEDERAL BONUSES ARE THE SECRET WAY TO BUILD WEALTH!
Working for the Fede
ral Government can be more lucrative than most people realize. The secret? Bonuses!

THE BEST KEPT SECRET IN THE FEDERAL PAY SYST
EM
If you are like most federal employees, you are probably thinking, "Bonuses? There's hardly any money for bonuses!" Well, you're wrong! Did you know there is a Strategic Bonus Reserve (SBR) built into the federal budget? Similar in concept to the Strategic Petroleum Reserve, the SBR is network of money caches that stockpiles bonuses at strategic locations throughout the country.

LEARN HOW TO TAP INTO THE STRATEGIC BONUS RESERVE
Originally the SBR was intended to be use only during
times of national emergency. But thanks to an oft overlooked loophole, there is a way that any federal employee can tap into it, even if there is no crisis! Yes, you read correctly. Any federal employee (i.e., you!) can make use of the BSR. And there's no need to wait for an emergency.

LEARN F
ROM THE EXPERTS AT THE VETERANS ADMINISTRATION!
The faculty workshop has been recruited from the experts at the Verterans Administration. Recently the Associated Press rep
orted how senior VA officials got big bonuses: "WASHINGTON - Months after a politically embarrassing $1 billion shortfall that put veterans' health care in peril, Veterans Affairs officials involved in the foul-up got hefty bonuses ranging up to $33,000. The list of bonuses to senior career officials at the Veterans Affairs Department in 2006, obtained by The Associated Press, documents a generous package of more than $3.8 million in payments by a financially strapped agency straining to help care for thousands of injured veterans returning home from Iraq and Afghanistan."

As the chart below demonstrates, these folks know what they're doing!


DOUBLE YOUR MONEY BACK GUARANTEE! We're so so confident this system will work for you and that our expert faculty can literally put more money in your pocket that we'll give you double your money back if you don't get a hefty bonus within a year of taking the workshop.
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Corporate Sponsor

Save the Salary is proud to be the corporate sponsor for this workshop!